Tag Archives: Humour

Is the Anderson – Jadeja spat real?

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Inside scoop on the latest cricket controversy

This conversation took place a few days before the start of the IND vs ENG (ongoing) Test series between the ECB and the BCCI :–

BCCI:”We are thinking of truncating the 5-test series to a 4 (or) 3 -test series”.

ECB: “Good Heavens!Why is that?What happened?

BCCI: We don’t think a there is a lot of interest in the Test Matches.We could include a couple of Twenty20s..

ECB :The English are not particularly interested in Twenty20s.We believe Test cricket is the ‘real’ cricket.

BCCI: Well,after the Test series loss to SriLanka,England does not seem to be a very interesting side.No KP..no Swann..we heard that Panesar won’t be playing..

ECB :Hang on,so you want interest to be generated?

BCCI: We don’t see how you can manufacture interest..

ECB: Why not?Are you looking for something along the lines of the Starc-Pollard incident..something that can go viral on YouTube?

BCCI :No…maybe something offline so that people will be hooked to the Tests waiting for something to happen on the field.

ECB:Ok..we will use Broad,Anderson or Prior to create this ‘incident’.

BCCI: Broad is not very intimidating.Most Indians check the “6 sixes in an over”incident on YouTube using their smartphones everytime he comes on to bowl.

ECB: Ok,Who will be involved in the Indian side,Zaheer is out–what about Kohli?

BCCI : No,he is practicing Yoga nowadays to control his temper and he will not indulge in anything that will sabotage his future chances of being India captain.

ECB: I know who will be perfect….Jadeja;we hear that you call him “Sir Jadeja” in India?The English are already intrigued about how he achieved Knighthood without the Queen’s intervention.He has a lot of facial hair and is close to Dhoni–the perfect reason for people to hate him.The Barmy Army will enjoy going after him.

BCCI: Ok ,sounds good.I will call Dhoni and brief him about this.He will drop a lot of hints when the press interview happens.I have to go now..Mr.Gavaskar is calling me..he still thinks he is the BCCI president.

ECB: Bye! Thank you for your co-operation that continues to strengthen our cricketing ties (YAWN!).

 

 

This post has been written with the intention of inducing a few smiles and maybe spark a few debates(sans violence).DON’T SUE ME,Please 🙂

 

 

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What is the USA really trying to do on Mars?

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Dinosaurs,Space Tourism and terrorists are all on the agenda

 

Ever wondered why the U.S is poking around in Mars for “signs of life”?Well,nobody is going to spend a ton of cash to just look for new elements,new species or “superior beings”(aliens).The research that NASA is doing currently will have far reaching implications years from now.I have outlined my hypotheses below,dividing them into sections for easier assimilation:—

Dinosaur Revival

Do you know the origin of Petroleum? DEAD ORGANIC MATTER.Organic matter after decomposition and a few million years later(and maybe sulphur is part of the process..I’ll explain that in a bit)becomes crude oil which is then processed to get petroleum.Hold that thought now.

So,the USA is planning to bring back the dinosaurs! Yes!you read that correctly (ever read Jurassic Park? ).Here is the action plan :the dinosaurs will be given a suitable climate to flourish—-something which would not be possible to create on Earth without raising a million eyebrows.

Starting the “Dinosaur Revival” would spawn a whole new line of products→ Dinosaur leather products,Dinosaur sausages,Dinosaur eggs and Dinosaur Protein Isolate to name a few (out- of- the-world experience guaranteed).The food products would be from plant- eating dinosaurs. The dinosaurs which look exotic or cute would be up for adoption (we might have a “Dinosaur Day” on our already overcrowded calendar with people walking around in T-shirts that read “Adopt a Dinosaur,Feed Somali children”).The carnivorous dinosaurs would be bred in a separate section and made to multiply.

Dinosaurs Sports, where different species would pitted against each other (or) Dinosaurs fights with robots ,will be the vogue.

Various medical tests, that were otherwise banned on Earth, will be performed on them.After some time,a selected percentage of Adult Dinosaurs would be subject to electro-chemical decomposition to create a ton of dead organic matter(you do know that these fellas weigh in tons,don’t you?)and..after some additional processing..BOOM..Petroleum.

Space Tourism and Real Estate

Recent technological advances have made space travel a possibility now.Most of these space travel experiences involve a person experiencing ‘weightlessness’ and doing ‘somersaults’ and “floating through space”.The “Mars Experience” would allow for more personalized experiences. (You might hear kids boast “My Dad wrote my name on Mars surface…”, “My brother pissed on Mars surface..” etc.)

Also,buying land on Mars would become the next fad.(“We have a house on Mars too”).

Exiling Anti-social elements

Human Rights activists don’t like what goes on Guantanamo Bay (any sane person would not,by the way).Other countries and organizations (WikiLeaks ) have started to expose the chinks in the U.S Intelligence armor.

Enter Mars, the perfect place for exiling terrorists and criminals(the dinosaurs might need variety in their diet anyway)or suspects who need to be interrogated discreetly by the U.S Government.

Moving terrorists/criminals to a different planet would help achieve a twin purpose: 1.Isolating the problem and 2.Removing the problem.

This post was written after careful consideration of all consequences.If you find me missing suddenly,don’t think I got kidnapped..I would most probably be on Mars.

Image credit:Folkert Gorter